Being told who I have to spend the rest of my life with did not make much sense to me. I am my own person with a unique personality that even my parents cannot understand completely. So to have them tell me that they know the kind of person I would be perfect with felt pretty bizarre. An arranged marriage is not a bad thing — if one agrees to it — but I didn’t, and I was being punished for it. My parents said they were doing what was best for me since they were my elders and more experienced, hence, they knew better.
I was emotionally blackmailed by my mother to get engaged to a man who was 13 years older than me. He worked for a company in the United Arab Emirates and made good money, which was very important to my family. After all, he was going to be taking care of all my needs and wishes, and I was to be his perfect, stay-at-home wife who would look after the children he was so eager to have. I gave it a couple of months of talking and getting to know him, but my heart would not settle for him. We were very different; I could see that, but no one else could. They loved him so much, so he had to be my life partner. There was no other choice.
After much thought and debate, I broke off the engagement. Everyone was devastated. Not only did they yell at me and scold me for taking such a huge matter into my own hands, but they also threatened to kick me out of the house to fend for myself because they did not want to anymore. They even threatened to hurt me if I didn’t agree to patch things up with the family. My family made up excuses for my behavior with the future in-laws so they could forgive me and accept me back into their lives. I couldn’t stop crying. It all felt like a nightmare. I couldn’t go anywhere, I couldn’t call anyone. No one was on my side. I would sleep all day and all night because, at this point, dreams were better than reality.
I had given up until some close friends pushed me to take my life into my own hands. Taking their advice, I called an institution abroad for help. They gave me a call one month before the wedding and told me they could help me get out of Pakistan. With a lot of planning and help from friends abroad, I managed to get my mother to take me to the institution four days before the wedding. They told her to leave and sent me to a secure place until it was time for me to leave Pakistan.
It was a really difficult decision to make knowing my entire family’s reputation and honor was on the line, and they could potentially never speak to me again. That thought hurt so much, but I did what I had to do to stop this forced marriage. Many people told me that I will one day come to regret the decision I made, and on that day, I will break down and apologize to everyone I hurt. It’s been four years since then, and I still have not regretted my decision. I thank God every day for helping me find the strength to do what I had to do for the sake of my future and emotional wellbeing.
Saira now lives in the U.S. and wants to help other survivors of forced marriage like herself.
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*At Saira’s request, her name has been changed and the photo used here is not actually of her.
